Handshaking is strange. Maybe you don't think so, but it is.

I just spent 10 years in Taiwan. People there don't normally shake hands, it is not the custom. Strangers don't introduce themselves. I am not saying this is not strange either, but what is leads to is that people don't generally shake hands. So for the last 10 years, despite being an english teacher, and teacher people how to shakes hands; for the most part I spent my time in Taiwan handshake free.
Ok, the occasional western raised visitor, or the business meeting aside; 10 years,of wondering around the streets of Taiwan, not introducing myself to the locals, and certainly not shaking their hands was the norm.

Before arriving in the states I had broken my hand. So it made shaking hands all the more awkward when you meet someone. Do you give them a left hand, bow, what?... the whole introduction part felt forced after 10 years of not really doing it. My name is such and such... your name is such and such. Then of course comes the question "how did you break your hand?", well if you must know I got abducted by aliens and instead of anal probing me they decided to test the tensile strength of two of my metacarpals. Ouch. Aliens are mean and strange; but they aren't as strange as shaking hands.

After I got my cast off I was now afraid of shaking hands because some people have a "firm" handshake. This is a nice way of saying, some idiot, who thinks it is a reflection of their manhood how hard they shake hands, is going to grasp my hand and re-fracture the two still mending carpels.

Like most people I don't even remember the first time I shook someones hand. Having been born and raised in the United States, it is so ingrained in our culture that I bet you can't remember either. Some time in the distant past, one of my parents, probably my mother,  told me to say hello to a stranger by shaking their hand. Grasping their fleshy appendage with my meaty claw, and shaking it up and down. How did this greeting evolve?

In mongolia they grasp both arms by the forearm look each other in the eye and then commence a starring contest, which depending on the egos of the men, can last for hours. This is all a way of detecting if someone has a blade hidden up their sleeve, and who is the dominant alpha male. Is this where our hand shaking and eye contact greeting came from? Should not a more modern equivalent of this greeting involve patting each other down, like police officers do criminals, with an exchange of annual salary to determine alpha hierarchy?

What is the purpose of shaking hands? Don't get me wrong, I like shaking hands. I like hugging. I like terrorist fist bumping. I like the shake where you clasp hands then snap your fingers. I love all of it, because I like physical contact. But is the only reason we shake hands to exchange germs in exchange for a neuronal hit of oxytocin? (The neural transmitter that makes us feel good).

The Japanese bow. It makes a lot more sense if your hygienic. Alpha males bow less, more humble and generous individuals bow deeply. No contact. I liken the Japanese bow to the New York Head nod. In New York acquaintances that you recognize, but either can't remember their name, or don't have the time to talk to at the moment, will give you a head nod. It's the "what's up" with out the "how do you do" and long conversation that follows, for busy people with too many friends. It's less formal, more hygienic, and super efficient.

It is not that we don't have other greetings, it is that we cling on to this hand shaking. Most of my friends and family hug. Even hugging is cleaner than handshaking. Putting my hand in a strangers hand, is probably the worst thing, bacterially and virally speaking, that one can do. With the number of times we touch our nose and mouth with our hands per day, our hands are probably our second or third dirtiest part of our body. Why we would reserve touching this part of our body to other strangers, is definitely weird. It would probably be more cleanly to touch bottoms, micro bacterially speaking, than to touch hands. I mean how many people got the flu from giving a friend a hip check?

The french kiss, but it is only on the cheek. I haven't done the research, but I would guess that the handshake is dirtier than even four kisses on the cheek; or three if you are from eastern France; or two if you live in Paris. Is it two now? or is that only in parts of Switzerland? I can never remember, and also where to start; which if you go right cheek first instead of left, can lead to a full on smooch on the lips; which is exciting if your acquaintance is young and virile, but awkward if they are old and decrepit.

I am not saying that handshaking is bad, or that we need to abolish it. All I am saying is that it is strange. If you step out of this culture for an instant, like I did for 10 years, and come back it is plainly obvious. All I want is for you to admit it and go about your day, as you do other crazy things, like sit down and travel at 55 miles per hour, wave to strangers, or talk about the weather... more about those topics in another post.